I know I've said it before, and at the time I really felt I was overwhelmed.
But now, looking back, that was not to the degree of OVERWHELMED that I am feeling lately.
Work - SO much going on. The work keeps piling up.
Life - SO much is going on.
Our fall schedule is again, insane. While I'm thrilled to be taking a photography class, it is not an easy class and requires that I should take 200-300 pictures a week, on my own, and edit those down to 24-36 to present to the class each week.
And then we've got the kids' activities. We tried to curtail the activities this fall (no boy/girl scouts, no flag football, no Girls On The Run for diva) but it still seems crazy.
As an example, here's what I did yesterday after work. Hunter was staying in the city to attend an open house at #3's school last night, he wasn't feeling well, so he was sidelined here.
3:00 Leave work. Left an attorney high and dry on something that had to be done yesterday. Told her I'd pick it back up tonight as I was planning to log back in.
3:15 Pick up #3 from her day care and head toward the elementary school for the other 2
4:00 Arrive at Diva and Daredevil's after-school care. Hand them their pre-packed bags to change into dance/karate gear. Pick up an extra kid, Diva's friend A., whom I take to dance each Tuesday as her mom works more than an hour away.
4:15 Leave school, drive the gang towards the dance studio. Distribute snacks/drinks in the car
4:20 Drop off Diva and A. for two hours of dance classes
4:25 Head for karate studio, get there early for 5:00 class. Daredevil does homework in the meantime.
5:00 Karate class. Follow #3 all over karate studio while Daredevil gets his karate on.
5:45 Leave karate studio. Head to baseball fields
6:10 Daredevil changes out of karate gear and into baseball gear in car
6:15 Batting practice begins
6:20 Head towards dance studio to pick up Diva
6:30 Pick up Diva from dance studio and walk next door to Five Guys, order and pick up dinner for all
6:45 Head back to baseball fields. Eat dinner in car. Keep Daredevil's dinner warm.
7:15 Batting practice is supposed to end now. No signs of them being close to finishing.
7:45 Batting practice ends. All kids in car. Go to turn on car, battery does not turn over - click, click, click.
7:50 Call Hunter, thankfully the open house was over and he was only 10 minutes out and there are jumper cables in my car (thanks to my Mom, who bought me a car safety kit some years ago)
8:00 Hunter arrives at the baseball fields and jump starts my car. Says he feels so bad he needs to go to bed when we get home. Drive home.
8:15 Kids finish homework, have snack. I give #3 a bath - school pictures tomorrow.
8:45 Order Diva and Daredevil to the showers, it's also their school picture day tomorrow. Give #3 a quick snack, she wanted applesauce.
9:00 Sort through clothes to pick out school picture day clothes. Figure out the only collared shirt Daredevil will fit into is dirty. Collect some other stuff to make up a load and throw it in the washer. Go to put #3 to bed and realize she rubbed applesauce all over her freshly washed hair. Lay towels next to the bathroom sink and give her a quick shampoo, which she didn't really appreciate.
9:30 #3 in bed. Older 2 are still up. Of course, arguing with Diva on what to wear for school picture. I really don't have a leg to stand on in the argument over the shirt she wants to wear, since I bought it for her. So I told her if I don't like the picture, she's getting a re-take with what I wanted her to wear.
10:00 Older 2 now in bed. Put some wash into dryer, hung other wash on drying rack.
10:30 Was supposed to log into work tonight since I left at 3, so I now have two hours to make up, but I didn't. Fell into bed exhausted. The kitchen looked like a bomb hit it.
Now, this is not really a typical day because (a) Hunter is an assistant coach of the baseball team and is usually at baseball games/practices and (b) the battery on my car doesn't usually die.
But it's close.
We've started going back to church regularly. We had been, and it dropped off after #3 was born. We now attend in shifts (I go to the 7:30 mass, which works for me as I'm a morning person, and Hunter goes later - the older 2 go with me if they are up, and with him if not.)
Although I struggle with my faith and spirituality, I find myself praying, after I pray for the health of my family, for strength. For help. To get through the next week, until I'm there again to ask for more strength.
I love my job. I love my family. I need my job - we need the money. I need to be there for my kids. I'm finding as they get older, they are needing me more. And I think I need to be there more for them as they get older, which is contrary to what I used to think - that when they get older, they won't need me so much.
So what is the answer? I have no idea. It is keeping me awake at night.