Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Guess what I am again? Yup, Overwhelmed

Yikes.

I know I've said it before, and at the time I really felt I was overwhelmed.

But now, looking back, that was not to the degree of OVERWHELMED that I am feeling lately.

Work - SO much going on. The work keeps piling up.

Life - SO much is going on.

Our fall schedule is again, insane. While I'm thrilled to be taking a photography class, it is not an easy class and requires that I should take 200-300 pictures a week, on my own, and edit those down to 24-36 to present to the class each week.

And then we've got the kids' activities. We tried to curtail the activities this fall (no boy/girl scouts, no flag football, no Girls On The Run for diva) but it still seems crazy.

As an example, here's what I did yesterday after work. Hunter was staying in the city to attend an open house at #3's school last night, he wasn't feeling well, so he was sidelined here.

3:00 Leave work. Left an attorney high and dry on something that had to be done yesterday. Told her I'd pick it back up tonight as I was planning to log back in.

3:15 Pick up #3 from her day care and head toward the elementary school for the other 2

4:00 Arrive at Diva and Daredevil's after-school care. Hand them their pre-packed bags to change into dance/karate gear. Pick up an extra kid, Diva's friend A., whom I take to dance each Tuesday as her mom works more than an hour away.

4:15 Leave school, drive the gang towards the dance studio. Distribute snacks/drinks in the car

4:20 Drop off Diva and A. for two hours of dance classes

4:25 Head for karate studio, get there early for 5:00 class. Daredevil does homework in the meantime.

5:00 Karate class. Follow #3 all over karate studio while Daredevil gets his karate on.

5:45 Leave karate studio. Head to baseball fields

6:10 Daredevil changes out of karate gear and into baseball gear in car

6:15 Batting practice begins

6:20 Head towards dance studio to pick up Diva

6:30 Pick up Diva from dance studio and walk next door to Five Guys, order and pick up dinner for all

6:45 Head back to baseball fields. Eat dinner in car. Keep Daredevil's dinner warm.

7:15 Batting practice is supposed to end now. No signs of them being close to finishing.

7:45 Batting practice ends. All kids in car. Go to turn on car, battery does not turn over - click, click, click.

7:50 Call Hunter, thankfully the open house was over and he was only 10 minutes out and there are jumper cables in my car (thanks to my Mom, who bought me a car safety kit some years ago)

8:00 Hunter arrives at the baseball fields and jump starts my car. Says he feels so bad he needs to go to bed when we get home. Drive home.

8:15 Kids finish homework, have snack. I give #3 a bath - school pictures tomorrow.

8:45 Order Diva and Daredevil to the showers, it's also their school picture day tomorrow. Give #3 a quick snack, she wanted applesauce.

9:00 Sort through clothes to pick out school picture day clothes. Figure out the only collared shirt Daredevil will fit into is dirty. Collect some other stuff to make up a load and throw it in the washer. Go to put #3 to bed and realize she rubbed applesauce all over her freshly washed hair. Lay towels next to the bathroom sink and give her a quick shampoo, which she didn't really appreciate.

9:30 #3 in bed. Older 2 are still up. Of course, arguing with Diva on what to wear for school picture. I really don't have a leg to stand on in the argument over the shirt she wants to wear, since I bought it for her. So I told her if I don't like the picture, she's getting a re-take with what I wanted her to wear.

10:00 Older 2 now in bed. Put some wash into dryer, hung other wash on drying rack.

10:30 Was supposed to log into work tonight since I left at 3, so I now have two hours to make up, but I didn't. Fell into bed exhausted. The kitchen looked like a bomb hit it.

Now, this is not really a typical day because (a) Hunter is an assistant coach of the baseball team and is usually at baseball games/practices and (b) the battery on my car doesn't usually die.

But it's close.

We've started going back to church regularly. We had been, and it dropped off after #3 was born. We now attend in shifts (I go to the 7:30 mass, which works for me as I'm a morning person, and Hunter goes later - the older 2 go with me if they are up, and with him if not.)

Although I struggle with my faith and spirituality, I find myself praying, after I pray for the health of my family, for strength. For help. To get through the next week, until I'm there again to ask for more strength.

I love my job. I love my family. I need my job - we need the money. I need to be there for my kids. I'm finding as they get older, they are needing me more. And I think I need to be there more for them as they get older, which is contrary to what I used to think - that when they get older, they won't need me so much.

So what is the answer? I have no idea. It is keeping me awake at night.

3 comments:

Val said...

I feel exactly as you do. Sometimes I dream about figuring out a way we can spend less so that I can stay home with my 4 kids. When I am feeling down at work, I spend my day reading blogs! Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously trying to get fired!!! Hang in there...many moms feel like you and our kids still turn out great!

NKL said...

Wow the day in the life of "Mom!"

This daily sounds very familiar. My children are in high school and like you I thought it would get easier as they got older but I am finding that it requires even more time and energy. To make things even more complex my husband and I run our own business and he had his first seizure at the beginning of August and his second last Sunday. To say that I am overwhelmed at the moment is an understatement. How is "Mom!" truly expected to manage?

Elaine said...

Hi! First off, I found you by googling this: "blog overwhelmed clutter kids small house working mom". Because I feel desparate. Part of my biggest problem is trying to figure out: is this how it is supposed to be, am I doing something terribly wrong, or is this normal and I need to just get over it!

Okay, next, thank you so much for actually DETAILING what happens, not just saying "I am overwhelmed". :) This resonates with me.

Finally what can I say to help you... 1) You sound like a great, caring mom. (if we did not care so much, this would not bother us so much). 2) the pic of #3 is so precious, on your profile. 3) I have 2 girls, a 9 month old and a 5 year old. And I was hoping that things would get better, that they would not "need me so much" in the coming years. (okay, so step 1 in happiness is to lower the expectations...thank you for that!!!) 4) 4, 4, 4...hmmmm, I am stalling, here...CRUD! I have nothing even close to an answer. The only piece of advice maybe is that don't let doubt, guilt, anger, frustration suck up any of your energy...you need it all. You are doing great in your race. You are climbing a mountain, one day at a time, and a mountain climber might feel overwhelmed too, but the urge to give up is treated by the adrenaline of ...never mind. crap. I don't know either. But we are doing something big, something important. No giving up. Just have to soak up the calm, good moments when they come. take pictures and then forget the blurry fast parts. ?? Still thinking....